Maka's New Roommate
by Z-Raid
Summary: Life is always hard when getting a new roommate. It's especially hard when said roommate is a very perverted Kishin. How will Maka cope with living with such a roommate? Crack pairing! AsuraXMaka


OH SHI- a story from me!

This story is a contest entry on deviantArt for a group I am in. So for those of you who has seen my dA stuff will have already read this and are sorely disappointed that this isn't anything new. D: I was going to upload this entry to this site but I forgot. XD

In other news, I'm holding an AsuraXMaka contest on dA! :D If you're interested, go visit my dA profile. There's a link to it on my profile on this site. The deadline is April 30th! (I probably should have told you all of this earlier. OTL )

Yeah, this particular story takes place in some weird alternate universe where the anime universe and the manga universe blends together to form one really, really weird one. Asura lives with Maka, Soul, and Blair in their apartment for some reason and harasses Maka every waking moment of the day. Needless to say this story is filled with a lot of stupidity, out of characterness, and weird humor.

Anyway, onward with the story!

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah yadda yadda

* * *

Meet Maka Albarn.

Hardworking, bookworm Maka Albarn. The number one student in all of Shibusen with grades high enough to make even the most coked out druggie say, "Damn. That's high." This certain scythe meister took pride in her above average grades. If she was to follow in her mother's footsteps, then she must attain the perfect grades her mother had as well! And so she pursued this harrowing task by studying like a mad man for each and every test to ever be given ever in her lifetime.

Except for the huge test tomorrow that counts for half of the year's grade.

"…FUCK!"

And so our lovely heroine is currently sitting at her desk in her cramped, pink room filled with much pinkness surrounded by a fortress of books. Maybe by some sort of miracle Maka would be able to cram a year's worth of knowledge into her panicking brain. Now why would such a girl so anal about getting good grades procrastinate on such an important matter?

Two words: Kishin Asura was her new roommate.

Ok, that was more than two words.

Anyway, yes, the fearsome Demon God of all that is insane in the membrane has become her roommate after a series of hilarious events that are best not described in public. Now Asura is happily living with the little scythe meister he is so incredibly fond of (way beyond legal levels) and has found a new favorite hobby. And that hobby is BUGGING THE SHIT OUT OF MAKA SO SHE PAYS ATTENTION TO HIM. Needless to say Maka has been very busy for the past couple of weeks trying to run and evade this perverted menace. But as of this moment, she's free! No pesky Kishin to grope her or look up her skirt or just being a general ball of chaos. All she had to do was concentrate and maybe, just maybe, she had a sliver of a chance of passing the test. She was in the middle of an intense staring contest with her study material at her desk when all of a sudden-

"MAKA! I can't seem to find my pants!"

_…Fuck my life._ Maka cursed mentally. She turned away from her towering amount of study material to face the skinny man who is way older than he looks. Said skinny man was indeed pantsless. At least he still had his shirt on.

"How in sans hill did you lose your pants?" Maka asked, staring at the Kishin who was surprisingly calm for someone who lost his pants. His boxers pimped out with his trademark eyes stared right back at her.

"Funny story, actually. You see, the fridge caught on fire again and -"

"I don't want to hear your crazy antics." She interrupted. "Just go put on another pair of pants. I bought you like fifty million pairs already."

"But those were my favorite pair." At this point Maka had stopped listening and had returned to her intense staring contest with her study materials. Asura was not happy with this. He's the Kishin and he will not be ignored goddamn it. So he sauntered over to where the meister was studying and invaded her personal space.  
"What are you doing?" Asura asked as he peeked over her shoulder. When she didn't respond the pesky Demon God began poking her cheek incessantly. "Maka~"

"I'm studying," she said as she swatted his hand away. "Now leave me alone or I'll punch you in the face."

"Well."Asura replied with feigned hurt. "How violent of you. You're a bad girl." He resumed the task of poking her in the cheek again. Just as Maka's blood pressure was about to reach dangerous levels the door to her room dramatically slammed open.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY CLOTHES YOU PERVERTED FIEND?" There stood Soul, standing in a dramatic pose with one arm partially transformed into a blade. It would have been a pretty badass sight if he wasn't wearing a pink shirt. With his other non-transformed hand the scythe boy held a red jacket with black stripes. "I found this in the laundry machine with my white clothes!"

"Oh, it's you." The Kishin stopped his poking to give Soul one of his 'I-don't-give-a-shit' looks he was so good at giving. "Go away. You're ugly."

"Ugly? I'm freaking hot! My millions of fangirls are a testament of that fact!" To show just how hot he was Soul ripped his manly pink shirt off. The broken remains of the manliest shirt ever fluttered gently to the ground as Soul's abs glistened magnificently in the light of the fluorescent light bulb in Maka's room. If Maka wasn't so used to the frequent nudity around her home she would have gotten a nosebleed like any other fangirl would have. "You're the one that's ugly, you skinny freak! And quit hitting on my meister!"

"Is this really necessary?" Maka interjected. No one paid any attention to her. _Why does this have to happen to me?_

"How dare you! I am DEAD SEXY!" Asura too violently ripped his shirt off (but more sexily) and proceeded to flaunt his not as buff but still pretty damn sexy body. "If you were as half as sexy as me then maybe Maka wouldn't be ignoring you all the time. You're a living definition of a boner killer."

"KASHDIOApojpioasdeaSFAa I'LL KILL YOU!" Soul tackled the cocky Kishin and the two once again began their never ending struggle of trying to kill each other. If this was drawn out, it would be a very fanservice-y scene. But since it's not, just imagine two hot shirtless guys wrestling in Maka's very pink room. Awwww yeah.

"Asura! Soul! Stop it!" Maka yelled. Once again she was ignored. "If you're going to fight then fight outside of my room! I'm trying to study!"

And suddenly another newcomer enters the room! "Hiya guys!" Maka's other roommate, the busty magical cat Blair, greeted. She stopped in her tracks for a second to absorb all the commotion going on. In front of her were two hot, sweaty shirtless men wrestling and a girl yelling death threats. Awesome. Clearly something righteous was going on. "Is this a naked party? Sweet!"

"No it's not! Everyone GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!" With the strength of ten slightly stronger than average midgets the pissed off meister kicked all the intruders out. "I'm going to fail that test and it's all your fault! Just leave me alone damn it!" She slammed the door shut to her very pink room, leaving the evicted tenants baffled and confused.

"… We have a test tomorrow? Oh shit, I didn't study." Soul scrambled up and headed to his room to start writing up his cheat sheet.

"Shoot, I think Maka is really pissed." Blair stated to her fellow companion sitting on the floor. "Well, she's always pissed off, but she's more pissed off than normal, yeah?"

The now shirtless and pantsless Kishin was still shocked by the sudden removal from Maka's pink room to answer. He was used to Maka being pissed at him for one reason or another. But the cat lazy was right. Maka had never been this angry with him before. Asura liked to piss her off, but he knew that he went too far this time.

"So what are you going to do to fix, Casanova?"

"…"

How was he going to fix it?

* * *

Asura wasn't a people person. There's no doubt about it. Other than Maka, he pretty much hated everyone and everything. He despised the albino boy (who drank his last juice box, that son of a bitch). He wanted to strangle the damn annoying ninja brat. He wanted to tilt a painting so he could piss off the Shinigami brat. Asura could have easily go on a massive murder spree and just eat all of their souls, but Maka wouldn't like it, so he never committed his murderous plans. This anti-social behavior has caused people to avoid him like the plague, and he was just peachy keen with that. However, that also left him with little to none to go to for love advice. For once in his long life, Asura felt guilty. And him being the Kishin who felt nothing but fear before did not help him know how to deal with it. Blair went to work and Asura refuses to go to that den of debauchery she worked at (he went there once; it was a horrifying experience). Soul sure wasn't going to help his rival score with his meister. So who was this love stricken Demon God going to go to for love advice?

Why, Shinigami-sama of course!

Shinigami-sama was one of the few people that Asura tolerated being around. Sure there's the whole he ripped off his skin and sealed him in a bag of it for at least 800 years deal going on, but Asura respected Shinigami-sama as a powerful being who was once his teacher and friend. Shingami-sama was a bit silly and not entirely too bright but he has been around humans a lot longer than Asura has. Unsurprisingly, a lot has changed in the world during his stay in his underground prison and the relatively recently revived Kishin wasn't accustomed to these changes (it was illegal to stalk minors now. Gee willickers!). Surely Shinigami-sama would know how to woo a lady. So there the Demon God was, sitting in the Death Room having a spot of tea with the god of death himself.

"Shinigami, I need love advice." Asura demanded monotonously. "I've made Maka upset and now she's really angry at me."

"Why aren't you wearing any clothes?" Shinigami-sama questioned.

Looking down, Asura confirmed that he was indeed not wearing any clothes like Shinigami-sama said. He was so upset about Maka being angry at him that he forgot to put clothes on. No wonder why more people than usual were staring at him when he walked to the Death Room. "That's not important. What can I do to make Maka not hate me anymore?"

"What did you do this time?" Shinigami-sama asked while taking a sip of his tea.

"Well, it all started when I lost my pants-"

"Ok, that's enough information. You were bothering Maka to make her pay attention to you, right?"

"Yes."

"Then stop it. Problem solved!" Shinigami-sama got up from seat and tried to shove the clothes less man out of his room. "Now get the hell out."

"That doesn't solve anything! What's your deal?"

"I was in the middle of cleaning my collectible Zelda action figures when you barged in!"

"You mean those dolls?"

"ACTION FIGURES!"

"Fine," Asura got up from his seat. "What would you know about courting a lady anyway? You're not even human."

"Hey! I know more than you, jerk. Now sit your pantsless ass back down in that seat and listen to my awesome advice!"

"Fine." Asura returned to his seat. "What do you suggest I do, oh great wise one?"

"Maka's a busy kid." Shinigami-sama returned to his seat too. "She's busy doing all that stuff in school and such. You should stop bothering her so much so she can do it. Keep your hormones in check. I mean goddamn."

"But I can't help it; I want her to pay attention to me." Sulking a bit in his seat, Asura stared at his reflection in the cup of tea. "She's the first person that was ever nice to me. She's special to me. If I don't do something someone else will snatch her away."

Shingami-sama sighed and took another sip of his tea. Kids these days and their crazy hormones. "Give her too much attention and she'll want to punch you in the face. It's suffocating yo."

"Ok…" Asura lifted his cup of tea and took a sip too. He cringed at the taste. It was too sweet for his liking. "Then what should I do to make her not angry at me anymore?"

"I don't know; get her flowers or chocolates or a pony or whatever girls like."

"Flowers?" He recalled Maka smiling whenever she sees some. "Flowers should work."

"Great. Now go get some and apologize to her, you ninny."

"Right." Ignoring the rest of the tea Asura raised himself up from his seat.

"Thanks for the advice. You're not as stupid as I thought you are." Asura turned away and began to think of where he can get those flowers the little scythe meister liked.

"Asura."

"What?"

"Put some clothes on."

* * *

Night has fallen and blanketed the desert city of Death in darkness, with only the light of the moon brightening the night sky. The light of said moon shone in through the windows and lit up Maka's room. Due to the little fight Asura and Soul got in, Maka spent most of the day cleaning her room of the mess they made. She was totally going to fail that test tomorrow and it's all that damn Kishin's fault. And so Maka lied in her bed, angry and upset about the impending failure that awaits her in the future. Just as sleep was about to take her away from harsh reality a soft click snapped her awake. She glared at the wall as she listened to the quiet footsteps and the following noises of someone sneaking into her bed.

"Get out of my room, Asura." Maka said with an angry tone, not even bothering to face that skinny freak. She could feel the Kishin shuffle closer to her and wrap his arms around her. A pink flower was presented in front of her face.

"I'm sorry, Maka." Maka felt the older man bury his head in her hair on the back of her head. Asura, feeling guilty? How out of character of him. "I keep bothering you and it made you upset. I'm sorry. I'll stop bothering you."

Reluctantly, Maka took the flower and slightly turned to face him. It's hard to stay mad at a grown man who's acting like a kicked puppy. "It's true that you bother me a lot. But it only upsets me because it's taking up all my time. I can't devote all my attention to you all the time, Asura."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"A bit. I'm going to fail that test because of you."

"Who cares about a stupid test?" Asura asked as he inched closer and closer. A bit too close.

"I care. My life depends on this test!"

"How so? Are you going to get killed if you fail?"

"No. That's barbaric. We don't do that in this time era."

"Then who cares?"

"You don't understand, Asura." Maka finally turned to face the bed intruder. She was able to do this without bursting into laughter from the memory of the internet meme that everyone she knows keeps abusing. "If I fail this test, then there's a high chance that I will be forced to stay back a year at school."

"And that's bad?"

"Yes."

"Why? Will that kill you?"

"No. You ask too much questions." She was about to roll back to her previous position but Asura held her in place.

"Don't run from my question."

Maka pouted. This damn Kishin just won't drop the issue. It's true that failing a test won't affect her survival in any way and neither would staying back a year. Asura stared back at the pondering girl, expectantly waiting an answer.

"Well?" Asura asked again, breaking the silence.

"… I'm afraid of failing."

"Is that it?" The girl in his arms nodded her head in agreement, a bit embarrassed. He didn't understand why Maka would be afraid of something that was harmless, but he can kind of understand why the test was so important to her. Maybe humans weren't as simple minded as he thought. "I see. Well then, if it scares you then I will get rid of your fears. Who is the one proctoring this test?"

"Sid, I think."

"That blue zombie? Ok, I'll deal with him."

"You're not going to kill him, are you?"

"You'll see. Now go to sleep, Maka." With that said Asura snuggled closer to her and closed all of his eyes to enter slumberland.

"I can't sleep with you in my bed, you pervert." By then Asura was happily asleep with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

"Idiot." Giving up on trying to get pervert extraordinaire Asura out of her bed, Maka closed her eyes to reality once again, but this time with a smile on her face.

* * *

Meet Maka Albarn.

A student of the prestigious Shibusen who is very anal about her grades and is most definitely going to fail that test tomorrow. All thanks to the crazy antics of her new perverted roommate.

And for once, she was just fine with it.

… But maybe she won't fail. After all, the test was postponed due to Sid's sudden need for a vacation far away from Death City.

* * *

And that's it! WOO. Lol Asura is like an annoying puppy that wants constant attention. Accept this puppy is socially awkward and a major pervert.

Once again I remind all of you about the AsuraXMaka contest I'm holding on dA! Even if you're aren't interested in entering, you can at least check out all the kickass entries that have been submitted so far. :D

EXTRA~

*Tea time with Shinigam-sama and Asura in the Death Room*

Shinigami-sama: You really want to have sex with Maka, don't you?

Asura: Yes.

Shinigami-sama: *sighs* Trying to stop you and telling you that it's illegal to have sex with minors is pointless, isn't it?

Asura: Yes. :D

Shinigami-sama: Well, if it's going to happen, I can at least do something for Maka. Use this when you do it. *hands over condom*

Asura: What's this? *sniffs it* Is this some sort of food?

Shinigami-sama: It's a condom, Asura. You use it for protection.

Asura: Condom? Protection? What? I don't see how this is suppose to protect me.

Shinigami-sama: No, Asura, you see... Ah, it's too embarrassing to say it out loud. *whispers in Asura's ear*

Asura: I put this on my WHAT!

Thanks for reading folks! :D


End file.
